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The Secret of Your Success
by Steven Tomlinson
My father rarely gives me advice, so when he does I always listen. He called one evening during my own graduate school career when I happened to be working on an econometrics problem set.
He said, "You sound depressed." I said, "Econometrics is the hardest course in the program. Everybody's impressed that I'm doing well; so I decided to get an econometrics specialization. I figure that with an economics Ph.D., I'll be guaranteed a big salary." He said, "Steven, you're making a mistake. You're doing something foolish. You're getting good at something you don't like, and if you get good at something you don't like, people are going to pay you to do it, then you have to do it all day long."
A couple of years later I was in the job market. I was interviewing with universities and think tanks and government agencies. My father called and asked, "How's the job search going?" I said, "Well, I've got lots of interviews, I've been talking to small liberal arts colleges and impressive research universities and agencies in Washington D.C." And he said, "You sound depressed." I told him, "I'm holding out for an offer from Harvard." He said, "Why? You don't like Boston. Don't you want to be closer to home? Steven, you're making a mistake. What would you do if no one was ever going to know how much money you made, no one was ever going to know what you did for a living so it wasn't an issue of prestige-how would you like to spend your day?"
I had no idea. I was twenty-five years old, and I had spent the last eight years of my life completely focused on doing whatever it would take to get good grades, to win awards, to impress people, to keep rising up to the next level of success, and any muscles I had for enjoying life for its own sake had atrophied.
My father said, "This is an emergency. You must go out this afternoon and lie under a tree and do not leave the tree until you have identified three things you enjoy doing for their own sakes." I said, "Does it have to be a tree?" He told me the tree was not optional. So I lay under the tree and watched the wispy clouds drift through the branches, and I became restless and bored and felt bugs crawling on me and had a sense of wasting time.
Then a moment came where I realized that I loved bowling-I just loved it, but I hadn't gone in years. Why not? And I liked kids and telling stories and singing and reading books and cooking dinner for friends and solving problems and performing-and ideas started pouring out it, like a dam breaking-and when I returned to my dormitory, I knew that I was going to be a teacher because it was the solution to my puzzle.
Defining Success
You're here in this MBA program because you're already determined to achieve success. Let me suggest that your experience in the next two years is going to depend intimately on how you define success. What is it? And it really is worth a few minutes of your time to clarify your expectations. What brought you here? What's the goal toward which you are driving?
Let me give you my definition of success, for what it's worth. We all have two halves to our souls. One half we might call our gifts and talents, or what we are especially good at doing. Everybody has something. You're a sympathetic and observant listener. You've got a quick calculating mind. You're a good speaker. You've got design sense. Something. If we were using business language, we might call these your "core competencies"-the supply side of your personal equation.
The other half is the demand side-your heart's desire. What is that set of things that really excites you? I'm talking about really grounded, intrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when you do something just for the joy of doing it.
What's the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation? There's an accumulated body of research about motivation and management science that says people who are intrinsically motivated are more inspired, more creative, and have more stamina than people who are motivated by fear or by the lure of money. Do what it is you love, and the money, the grades, and everything else will follow. It's hard to believe, but it's completely true.
Let me suggest that success, the good life, is finding a way to integrate these two halves of your soul. It's my observation that the people we admire in this world-the people who have charisma, who are fully alive and exciting, who we like to be around, whose lives are rich and prosperous-these are people who found some way to link their gifts and talents directly with their heart's desire, and they are on fire. They are in some kind of spiritual zone, and when you're around them, you know it. Now, many of them make a lot of money, but money isn't their inspiration, only a by-product of how they work. Living in that zone is satisfying for its own sake.
Some of you are thinking that I have said something fluffy, that this discussion is somehow fuzzy. But, let me assure you that at this point in your career, this is the most practical set of questions for you to consider. Why? Because you are all about to enter an information-age economy out there that rewards people who've got a lot going on upstairs. There are two things that keep you vital and prosperous in this economy, and they are direction and motivation. There are a lot of smart people out there, a lot of people with big ideas, but those who stay the course and do well in business, those who find successful, rewarding work that gives them some joy in life, are people who have direction and motivation.
Keep this problem on the table-how to be faithful to your heart's desires and your gifts and talents at the same time-because the market will tempt you to break off your gifts and talents and sell them to the highest bidder for money, then take the money and go and buy the toys that Visa and MasterCard tell you will satisfy your desires. This is what we call "intermediation." Don't buy it.
Insist-since it's your life, after all, it's your twenty-four hours a day, it's your soul-insist on wrestling with this problem. That's why you're here in business school: to re-orient and point in a different direction. You came here because what you were doing before was not as attractive as what you hope to do next. So think about it. Find some way to be in that intersection.
Speak No Evil
Now this brings me to my advice for entering MBA students. I give this advice for the sake of your enjoying this experience, getting more out of it, and really doing what you came here to do, which is to change the course of your life and shape a future that's more rewarding and satisfying.
First of all, grades are an evil thing. Many believe that they're a necessary evil, but I don't, and I spend a lot of time creating alternatives to the grading system. Grades serve no purpose. They don't motivate us; rather, they substitute fear and extrinsic motivation for the joy of learning and mental activity for its own sake. They don't provide any useful feedback, because they don't tell you whether your skills are getting better or not-they just rank you in the rat race. And the information grades provide is too crude to help sort people into jobs. Students who rise to the top in particular classes are not necessarily the people recruiters want to hire. Recruiters are looking for specific skills for specific jobs. So don't let grades spoil your experience.
I challenge you to not talk to one another about your grades. No good comes from it-ever. Every class creates its own culture: whether it's a culture of fear, or one of compassion and camaraderie, it will be created in the next few weeks.
Now, there's going to be a temptation to talk about your grades. And when the moment comes that you want to have a conversation with someone about grades-before you succumb to that temptation (because you're weak)-take a moment. Take a moment and ask yourself honestly, "Why do I want to have this conversation? What do I think it's going to get me?" Learn something about yourself.
Second, don't justify yourself. Don't make any excuses. Don't justify yourself to your teachers, to one another, to anyone. What's going on with you right now is a very precious and private thing. You are shaping your soul. You are accumulating human capital. You are making choices that are going to influence the rest of your life. Don't lay it out there for everyone to see. Don't justify yourself to people. I stand around and I listen to what people say, and ninety-eight percent of what comes out of our mouths is self-justification. Listen one day; it's shocking. Don't do it. Don't do it while you're here. And especially don't let people impose their own neuroses on your life decisions.
Third, find a mentor, someone who's older and wiser, who's been down a path like yours, and most importantly (and this is non-negotiable), someone with whom you can be totally honest. It may be someone from back home, it may be someone you meet here. Stay close to someone who cares about your development, and who will listen as well as offer you advice.
And finally, practice awareness. Make yourself aware moment to moment and day to day. Stop and think. Don't get caught up without asking yourself, "Why am I afraid." or "Why am I excited?" Make yourself aware because in awareness there is power. Take advantage of every opportunity you have to get to know yourself.
Produce, Reflect, Express
In the course of our lives there are three modes of being. In the 'productive' mode we go where the gold is, and we go like crazy exerting our will to get there. Most of you were in that mode before you entered business school.
Then, there's the 'reflective' mode, which is where you are now. You are taking time to step back, become aware, and ask "What's happening?" "What matters?" "What do I want?" "What would make me happy?" "What kind of life is worth living?" This is when your mental energy is focused on picking new goals and thinking of new ways to reach them.
And finally, there is the 'expressive' mode, which is when we just sing or write a poem or plant a garden or make a meal because-well, we don't really know why, that's just what people do.
Try to find all three of those ways of being while you're here. Produce in your classes by applying yourself, learning, and studying. Reflect by writing, by being aware, by talking to a mentor, by having conversations with one another about the wealth of experience and skills and attitudes and habits that are represented within your class. Tap into each other on that level, not on the level of petty competition or comparisons. And make time to express yourself. Sing and cook and tell stories and enjoy the friendships that you're going to make while you're here. Practice balance. As you do, you will find success. Good luck.
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